


waiting

by discopolice



Category: Toaru Kagaku no Railgun | A Certain Scientific Railgun
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:22:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discopolice/pseuds/discopolice
Summary: She could stop waiting, couldn't she?





	waiting

**Author's Note:**

> kind of an ode to my 16-year-old self

In the early morning hours of Kuroko Shirai's sixteenth birthday, she turns around, bundles herself in her comforter, and stares at the white wall of her dorm room. As of late, she's wanted to paint it: maybe magenta, or a deep purple. Maybe she could get her photos printed - the ones she's taken of plants and people and buildings over the years, each carefully composed - and layer them across the wall like a tapestry. All it has there is her high school uniform, three heavy pieces of clothing full of prestige and devoid of emotion, and it's _sad_.

Gripped with this restlessness, she's been unable to sleep, and her esper abilities are suffering. She nearly got herself stuck in a wall yesterday, like she was ten years old or something. Uiharu asked about it, but Kuroko said she was just tired; she couldn't keep track of all those twelfth-dimensional calculations with her brain functioning on only three hours.

In reality, she's tired of waiting. She's tired of waiting for parents who can't be assed to show up for the Daihaseisai, or when she's injured, or even for her middle school graduation. She's tired of waiting for someone to come from the blue and notice her, working so hard for "justice" in a world that seems to have an utter lack of it. She's tired of waiting for an Electromaster with her heart turned away, who sees her as "just a friend." Recently, Mikoto's started experimenting with her sexuality, but it's too little too late; Kuroko's tired of waiting.

She could stop waiting, couldn't she? She could stop breaking her body for the sake of this city that gave her a sense of purpose, but precious little else. _(but she knows her body belongs to academy city, signed in blood, for the rest of her life.)_ She could stop trying to fight an unjust system, simply give herself into it. _(but she would hate herself that way, and she knows it.)_ She could stop waiting on an old love and go out: find a girl who loves her wholly, as she is, burning brighter than the sun rising just outside her window.

_(at sixteen, at least she's ready to do that.)_


End file.
